A Flicker in the Darkness

I just can’t do it anymore; the shutters have fallen and there’s nothing left. My will to push on is ebbing and waning. I’ve felt out of control; a silent witness. I struggle to engage in the intimacies of conversation or everyday life, and I’ve anaesthetised myself and built giant prison walls around my heart and soul, trying to present a façade of happiness by creating a sterile, indifferent landscape to the world but feeling a kaleidoscope of pain inside. Although I have days when I long for death to come and greet me, deep down, I still want to

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December 2017 Forecast

Message for December 2017 As we gaze back over another year of trials, tribulations and challenges, it would be easy just to see all the hardship we have each endured, as well as the collective troubles we have faced as a society. Perhaps it’s the way we are hard-wired as we tend to see the struggles easier than the good stuff. We do the same when we look at ourselves as individuals, easily picking out what we feel is wrong with ourselves rather than focusing on what’s right. This could be humility and a desire not to appear egotistical, but

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November 2017 Forecast

Message for November 2017 I spend a great deal of my time watching and observing, I also spend a great deal of my time listening. It takes time and patience to truly and wholeheartedly listen to another as it means a willingness to step beyond one’s ego and judgement, and to allow another the time and space to speak from their hearts and souls. There are many reasons people refuse to listen but often this happens because they have little space to accommodate the pain, feelings or perspective of others; this could be fear-based or it could be a result

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October 2017 Forecast

Message for October 2017 I’m not sure if it’s just me, but, over recent years, I’ve become increasingly aware that the world is growing ever fuller of perfectionists. By this, I don’t mean people trying to live a better and more enriching life or trying to find new ways to live spiritually, I mean a collection of souls presenting themselves as the ‘complete package’: already living the perfected life. I’ve seen this a lot in the ‘new age’ arena where spiritual perfectionism seems prolific. Perhaps this is simply my bewildered reflection on the growing need or perception to present oneself

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September 2017 Forecast

Message for September 2017 I’m not sure if the words have, as yet, been invented to describe the current moment; there are highs and lows, there are jolts backwards and leaps forwards, there are upward shifts and downward falls. This goes way and beyond a fairground ride to a profound journey within, reaching deeply into the nooks and crannies of the soul. Yet, to write about it is to help process it and make sense of it, so without the words to really capture the essence, how can one distil and condense it? Perhaps the lack of a suitable vocabulary

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Broken Biscuits

In many ways, I’ve always felt like the broken biscuit in the box, the one that languishes in the bottom until there’s nothing else left and, even then, it doesn’t look like a very tempting treat. After all, who wants a broken biscuit when there are lots of other perfectly formed, whole biscuits gleaming and longing to be eaten, tantalising the taste buds? Of course, the broken biscuit doesn’t taste any different, but, with its imperfections on full display, it’s easy to feel ‘less than’, (not that, to the best of my knowledge, biscuits develop complexes). Perhaps it’s genetic, coming

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Doesn’t Matter

It’s hard not to notice a growing restlessness and deepening sense of despondency rising up within our hearts and souls. As someone with significant long-term health problems, in need of social care, social housing and welfare benefits, I’ve felt the divide between the have’s and the have-not’s grow to exponential proportions. I’ve heard the term ‘the just about managing’ to refer to the groups of society just about holding things together but no reference to the massive group of souls in the bracket beyond this, the untouchables in society that no one really likes to talk about. It’s this group

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June 2017 Forecast

Message for June 2017 Sitting under the shade of the giant Horse Chestnut Tree, it was easy to get lost in the majesty of the moment and listen to the wind whispering with the leaves, watching the dappled sunlight dancing all around me and feeling the silent power of the earth and quiet dignity of the tree flowing through me. I felt interconnected and alive. Every cell within me tingled and every sound, sight and sense was enlivened and refreshed as though I was experiencing this for the first time. Of course, in many ways, I was experiencing this for

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Falling Off The Edge

At the end of 2015, I wrote about ‘the year I broke’, an intense and challenging year of my life where I felt as though my heart and soul had been ripped out from the fabric of my being, then torn to shreds and trampled upon. I fell apart, broke, disintegrated and found myself laying naked and cold on the harsh floor of reality. When I posted that article, I was, I believed, over the worst. How wrong was I?! 2016 took me to some new depths as the challenges intensified and came flooding into my life with such ferocity,

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2017 Yearly Forecast

Message for 2017 Have you ever sat and watched a pebble drop into a pond and counted the ripples as they reach out into the water? Have you wondered where those ripples end up? Have you ever contemplated the idea that every thought, action, inaction, choice or decision is a pebble and, as a result, we are continually creating ripples in the fabric of space and time? Yet, do the ripples ever leave the pond? Do they really reach that deeply into life or is this just a romantic metaphor trying to inspire us to be more accountable for the

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